hm

Switched bags for tonight and my trip tomorrow. I plan on filming a segment, if not an entire special episode for next week while I’m off adventuring. Both at the Avenger’s midnight premier and in Boston before/after The Nerdist Podcast.

I need to sleep more, but I just got my hair all perfect for going to the game thing tonight so I don’t want to lay on it. Also, I’m way too excited (and woke up way too early) about the next 36 hours. I can always sleep on the train, and sleep until I need to get ready to leave tomorrow.

I was having a hard time not feeling guilty all week because life happened and ruined my plans of finishing badges, Mass Effect 3, and starting on a new painting set – but it supplemented it with better things, so I shouldn’t feel bad right? For some reason, when I write things down and say “I’m going to get this done this week” I feel bad when I don’t. Which is good, I guess, but I shouldn’t let it get to me to the point where I stress about it because there are more fun things to do but I told myself I’d do X, Y, and Z instead.

art journal

It’s weird sometimes, how one different decision can affect your general…I don’t know, decision-making-outlook for a brief time (or longer). Like, deciding to go to the game night instead of turning it down – one unusual decision lead to, hey, you know if I really wanted to, I COULD go to Boston. Another, even more unusual decision. And then doing that.

Making unusual decisions is really scary, but it’s the good kind of scary, it’s the scary that makes you feel like you’re alive and actively involved in your life instead of passively. Unusual decisions lead to new experiences and adventures, which fit well with my word and my 21 things. I wanted to be more social, and do something that scares me and making unusual decisions (or decisions that I don’t generally make in favor of staying in my comfort zone) allow me to do that.

21 Things

I’m doing things!

finally.

It’s happy and scary. I’m going to a game on Thursday, followed by the midnight premier of Avengers, and then going to see The Nerdist Podcast Live in Boston on Friday.

I think this means I can cross off “do something I’m afraid to do” from my list – Meltdowns whilst buying tickets and making up excuses and all. But I wanted to go, and I was the only thing in the way, so….I just did it, and then panicked again.

I need to get out more, apparently.

But I am, so yay!

Giving myself +50xp.

When I give myself a voice

and tell myself what I really need and what my motives are, I get this.

soul-speak

And then my brain feels really sheepish about it, like maybe it’s really lame and I’m incapable of mattering or doing things that matter. I think it’s just upset that it kept it hidden and in the shadows for so long, because it feels so scary to say it; and to name the things that drive me and have driven me since I went down that slide in the playground thinking I could be a hero like Balto when I was three.