That one question
Do you feel any different now?
I’d be lying if I said I didn’t feel a little different. Because for the first time in a while, I do. It’s a weird sense of accomplishment, being 21. Maybe it’s because I’m giving myself permission to step completely out of my box and just live as myself, as unashamedly as possible. Maybe, it’s because I feel like I’ve arrived into the world of adulthood (except for car rentals) and I feel a new sense of freedom – I can have a drink if I want to, go to that dance I’ve been wanting to go to for 3 years that’s 21+, get one of those champagne and chocolate and dinner/wine resort packages and actually use all of it. I can stand in line when we get beer, finally (that one cashier really ruined it for me :P) and I can even buy my own if I want to.
I feel in a way like I’ve finally “caught up” with myself. Like I’ve been just waiting for my legal age to catch up with where I felt like I’ve belonged for a while now (the real test is going to see if I still think I’m 21 when I’m 60 ;)).
Actually, I’ve noticed a bit of a change, however slight, since granting myself that permission instead of just groaning under the pressure I put myself under. I’m a little more sincere, and I don’t feel as bad when I’m just honest with how I feel about things.
I’m excited about my list, and this year, and my personal progress. Hopefully I’ll get to the point where I can actually say I’m happy about who I am, instead of shy and ashamed. I think I just might start to get there – starting with not defining myself with who I used to be years ago, but with who I am inside and who I want to be.
I’m 21, and I’m happy.